


There's a Beach Near Hinata Shouyou's House

by LittleBlueArtist



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Oops, i wrote this way back in like january but im just now posting it, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 17:21:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7447576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleBlueArtist/pseuds/LittleBlueArtist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"There’s a beach near Hinata Shouyou’s house. Well, not near, not really. It’s a twenty minute bike ride, but for Hinata, that’s near enough. He makes the trip twice a week, every Saturday and Wednesday. He likes to see the sun sink into the horizon. It’s fire against the sky. He thinks it’s the same fire that burned in his heart when he played volleyball, the same fire people say his hair is, the same fire that burns behind his eyes when he remembers.</p><p>When he looks into the water everything comes rushing back and the fire engulfs his body, forcing him to see everything again."</p>
            </blockquote>





	There's a Beach Near Hinata Shouyou's House

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this sooo long ago (like 6 months) and it's actually one of the fics I'm more proud of. I hope you enjoy! As always you can contact me on tumblr [@noyaplease!](http://noyaplease.tumblr.com)

There’s a beach near Hinata Shouyou’s house. Well, not near, not really. It’s a twenty minute bike ride, but for Hinata, that’s near enough. He makes the trip twice a week, every Saturday and Wednesday. He likes to see the sun sink into the horizon. It’s fire against the sky. He thinks it’s the same fire that burned in his heart when he played volleyball, the same fire people say his hair is, the same fire that burns behind his eyes when he remembers.

When he looks into the water everything comes rushing back and the fire engulfs his body, forcing him to see everything again.

***

_The boat rocks as Kageyama Tobio and Hinata argue, the force of their movements making it sway back and forth. It’s nothing big, a little old wooden boat rented from the bait shop. The rest of their volleyball team doubles up with their own boats. Tanaka and Ennoshita, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, Nishinoya and Asahi, Kiyoko and Yachi, with Daichi and Sugawara bringing up the rear. They’re on a bonding trip. They’re out fishing and are going to spend a night in the woods a little bit deeper into the countryside._

_The water is still, until it isn’t._

_Hinata and Kageyama’s boat sways so much from their arguing it turns, crashing both of them into the water. Hinata kicks, instincts taking over as he bobs to the surface, lungs searching for air. Kageyama isn’t there with him. He’s nowhere in sight. Hinata doesn’t waste time before diving under, opening his eyes and ignoring the sting. He searches, sees a figure sinking to the bottom, dead weight. It has long limbs and black hair, a mouth in a familiar pout._

_He dives, lungs burning, feet kicking, eyes burning so bad they feel like fire. Kageyama keeps sinking, just out of reach and Hinata can feel his lungs giving out. He manages to grab Kageyama’s hair. It slips through his fingers. Black spots appear in his vision but he can’t go up. He has to save him. They had just started to be a team. They just started to like each other. Kageyama had thrown his cape and given up his throne. They had only kissed in the dark under a blanket_ once _. He wasn’t allowed to leave!_

_Hands grab Hinata, yank him up by his floating hair, pulling at his scalp. When he takes in breaths they turn into sobs and he coughs harder than humanly possible. “No! No, let me go! I have to get him!” His shouts are high pitched and squeaky._

_“Shouyou! We have to get you to shore! Kei will look for him!” Daichi shouts, pulling the small boy up onto his boat. It’s a flurry of frantic touches to see if he’s alright and paddling to shore. The other boats are already there, and there’s an ambulance wailing down the dirt paths. A group of first responders storm out and force Shouyou onto a stretcher, shoving a mask over his face. He doesn’t want it. He can breath, dammit! Tobio needs this, not him!_

_The last thing he sees is Tsukishima Kei come out of the water, empty handed, his hands shaking so hard they seem to vibrate._

***

They pulled Kageyama’s body out of the river less than two hours later. They said he hit his head on the overturn. The edge of the boat broke off a part of his skull. He was dead the second he hit the water. They said it was painless, he didn’t feel a thing. Hinata thinks he felt everything Tobio was supposed to.

The next following weeks were filled with tears, screams, hurt. Hinata’s heart hurt so much it seeped into his bones, penetrated his skin, created a fire in his throat as he choked back sobs. His eyes glinted with tears instead of rivalry. At the funeral, he was the last one to say goodbye. Tobio’s tie had been crooked. He fixed it. His hair was swooping in the wrong direction. He carefully parted it. His hands were left over right instead of right over left. He changed them, ignoring the cold of the other boy’s skin. Kageyama’s suit lapel was crinkled. Hinata smoothed it with shaking hands. His mother had to pull him away, hold his hands until they sat down. He bounced, wanted to jump in the coffin, pretend he and Kageyama could still play volleyball. Pretend everything would be okay and he would be spiking the taller boy’s sets the next morning at practice. There hadn’t been a practice in weeks.

That night Hinata had a dream, and it was so real. He could feel the heat of Tobio’s body. He could smell the mintiness of his breath; see the depth of his sharp blue eyes. They were snuggled under the covers, the moon being the only light they had. They were curled against each other, warm, safe, protected by each other’s arms. Hinata had his head against Kageyama’s chest, the black-haired boy resting his chin on it. They were so close that Kageyama’s heart beat in Shouyou’s ears.

“Bakageyama,” Hinata whispered, no real heat beneath his tone. “Don’t leave me again. You scared me.”

Kageyama peppered little kisses over Hinata’s head, gentle and sweet. “I won’t. I promise. I’m sorry, Hinata.” They snuggled together, seemingly melding into one another, and fell asleep.

He woke up the next morning and sobbed.

***

It’s Saturday. Hinata Shouyou packs a lunch, hops on his bike, and rides to the beach. The ocean smells of salt and the sand is slightly cold from the chilly autumn air. He lays down a blanket and sets his bike against a rock where it’s not completely out of sight. He doesn’t do anything but sit, watching wave after wave crash violently against the shore. He has made his peace with the water, no longer angry at it for taking away someone he still loves so much.

It’s been almost six months since the accident. Volleyball has started again. He’s in his second year of high school. Nishinoya is team captain, Tanaka serving as vice captain. Yachi has taken over as manager. Hinata doesn’t play anymore. The magical duo no longer exists, and he is off tempo with anyone else’s spikes. He still goes to games, screams enthusiastically from the bleachers. He is still an honorary crow, but he can’t bring himself to stare at a volleyball for too long. He can’t take his old uniform out from the bottom of his dresser. He can’t let himself remember the stinging pain from spiking a ball.

Hinata eats his lunch and watches the early setting sun. It’s getting darker earlier every day as it heads towards winter. Soon the water will shimmer with the moon’s light. He munches on his sandwich, remembering. He tries to forget, really does, tries to move on, but he can’t. Kageyama visits him at least once a week, snuggling close, emanating a warmth Hinata can’t help but reach towards. The water shimmers. Hinata finishes his lunch, folds the blanket, and heads back home. He stops by the graveyard on the way. Kageyama Tobio’s stone is set near the entrance, a smooth marble. The lettering is white, stark against the black of the marker.

Hinata rests his hand against the cold stone. It chills him to the bone. His words shrivel up in his mouth, turn to dust on his tongue. “I love you.” They tumble out all too fast and sound choked and messy, sloppy like their first kiss. “I love you so much, Bakageyama. There’s so much I wanted to share with you, but my life isn’t very exciting now that you’re gone. Please, stay gone. I need to move on. I need to move past you. Please, Tobio. _Please_.” Half of Hinata knows he’s crazy. Ghosts don’t exist. They don’t spread warmth from their fingertips and whisper empty promises into people’s ears. They don’t have a heart that thumps heavily in their chest.

He gets back on his bike and rides home, the sun fading behind him, taking a part of the fire from his chest. It leaves him exhausted, and he collapses onto bed.

It’s not long before arms curl around his waist, pulling him back into a firm chest. He can feel it rise and fall against his back. Lips tickle at his neck. Hinata can’t help but scoot into the warmth, the heat that burns his skin and sets his bones on fire. “I want to let you go,” he whispers, clutching so tightly to Kageyama his knuckles turn white. The other boy doesn’t say anything, just tightens his grip on Hinata. Hinata feels like he’s connected to Kageyama and no one will be able to pull them apart.

Hinata wakes up with a gasp and sighs, his alarm for school going off. Natsu will be banging on his door any minute, yelling that Mom has breakfast ready. He goes over to his closet, opens it. For a second there’s a flicker of cool blue eyes and shiny black hair in the mirror before it disappears. Hinata shakes his head, blinks, and gets dressed. His movements are slow and lethargic, like someone’s heavy gaze is slowing him down.

When he sits down to eat a quick breakfast his mother looks at him worryingly, her own crazy hair wrangled into a bun. “Shouyou, are you sleeping okay? You have bags under your eyes. Do you want to stay home today?”

Hinata manages a weak smile. He knows it’s not very convincing, but he can’t exactly say _I’m being haunted by a grumpy setter_ out loud and not expect to get sent to the loony bin. “It’s okay, Mom. Just a big test coming up.”

She smiles back, though it’s tight and about as convincing as his own. Natsu is eating happily, squirming on her seat as she shovels food down her throat. There’s a glint of sadness in his mother’s eyes before she speaks again. “You’ve grown up so much, Shouyou. You’re a fine young man. I just wish… I wish you would do volleyball again. I’ve never seen you light up as much as you did during your games.”

Hinata tries not to choke on his toast. A lump forms in his throat but he forces it down. He can’t let her know--can’t let her see that volleyball is still _everything_ but his everything had slipped through his fingers like silky black hair. “I can’t, Mom. I’ve tried, but I just can’t. It’s not the same anymore. I’ve gotta go. I love you.” He leans in to kiss her cheek, grabs his bag, and runs out the door. He pedals faster than he means to, can barely skid to a stop when he reaches the bottom of the mountain. For a second, when the dust is still in the air, he sees a familiar shape in the cloud, but it’s gone by the time he looks again.

During homeroom, Hinata can barely keep his eyes open. He feels like he hasn’t slept in months. Most of his classmates steer away from him now. Yachi tries to talk, she tries so hard, but Hinata can’t get past one word answers anymore. He knows his sentences don’t have many exclamation points anymore, and his limbs don’t flail as much, he barely even bounces. He knows he’s been a complete asshole to his entire team, icing them out to the point where Nishinoya calls him _Hinata_ instead of _Shouyou_ like they’ve only talked twice.

Yamaguchi manages to strike up a conversation sometimes, but after Hinata accidentally snapped at him, exhaustion and frustration taking over for just a second, Tsukki has been watching every interaction they have. He pretends not to care, like Kageyama’s death hasn’t affected him, like he wasn’t the one diving for the dead body, but Hinata can see the same exhaustion as his in Kei’s eyes. He thinks about asking him, sometimes, if he sees Kageyama, too. If he knows how long it’ll be before he can close his eyes without seeing the accident, seeing Tobio. He never has the courage to actually spit it out.

So, now, he sits alone, staring at the board and trying not to fall asleep. Kageyama’s desk, where he was supposed to sit, is filled by a girl with long brown hair in twin braids. Her eyes are honey-brown and warm, inviting, nothing like the scary look Kageyama always gave, whether he meant to or not. He looks away, out the window, and tries to hold in a yelp when he finds that scary glare concentrated on him. A frown is engraved on the setter’s face, and his eyes bore so deeply into Hinata’s he’s sure he’ll explode. But in a blink it’s gone. Hinata decides he’s going crazy.

***

After school, Hinata keeps seeing flashes of Tobio. He’s skewed behind a corner, just out of reach behind another student, hidden partially by a shadow. Hinata keeps following him, desperate to reach him, to see if he’s real even though he knows it’s impossible. He follows him all the way to the empty volleyball gym, the building dark. There’s no practice after school today. The shadows creep over the small second year, dragging him inside to a pillar of light coming from the supply closet. He wants them to let go, thinks about screaming for help even though, somehow, he knows no one will hear him. They pull him every which way until he succumbs, lets himself be tossed towards the supply closet, towards the warmth. He sees a blur of the number _9_ before it’s gone, and all that’s left in its wake is a bouncing volleyball. It’s the same one from Hinata’s first successful game with Kageyama. He can see where they signed their names, even if it’s faded now, and the ball is dirty beyond saving. For a second, he lets himself remember.

If he concentrates, he can still feel the pride when the crowd silenced after they performed their freak quick. He can feel the frustration of losing the Nekoma practice match, the surprise of actually being able to hit Kageyama’s tosses. They were a match made in volleyball heaven, a duo destined for greatness. Now they are the forgotten promise, the sad reminder Karasuno keeps. There’s a picture of Kageyama hanging in the changing room. There’s one of the entire team from that year. Hinata and him are arguing in that one, deciding who should have to crouch down. The other one is his yearbook photo, where he looks stiff and scary with that unpracticed smile. Hinata hates it, and broke the frame the first time he saw it. It’s _not_ Tobio, it’s some manufactured print everyone likes to pretend is him. The real Kageyama Tobio lies in the quick, in the unsteady pictures he still has on his phone. He still lives in the taped matches of Karasuno’s old games. He’s not even recognisable in his school photo. That’s not the Kageyama Hinata knows. _Knew_.

Shouyou drops the volleyball like it’s the sun. He’s crying without even realizing and the fire is back. Smoke rises in his lungs until he can’t breathe and he’s realizing he’s having a panic attack. He had them frequently after Kageyama died, waking up screaming and gasping for air, or seeing a reminder of him and getting so worked up he couldn’t think. He tries to suck in air but he can’t, can’t even manage to count the seconds as he tries to inhale.

“Breathe, Hinata. In, out. It’s okay.” The words don’t belong to anyone. There’s no one in the gym, nothing but him and his gasps. The voice is old and musty, but still recognizable. The voice is impossible. It’s concerned, worried for his well-being. If Hinata could laugh bitterly, he would. He drinks the words in like they are his lifeline, and after a few minutes, his breathing is evened out. His heart still pounds hard in his chest. He wants to pound his fists against the polished wood until it splinters and his hands are bloody. “Leave me alone!” he screams, tears still running down his face, hands shaking so much they seem to vibrate. “Stop doing this!” He doesn’t know who he’s screaming at, but he screams anyway, too tired to care.

The signed volleyball rolls to his feet, stops, signed part up. Hinata takes out his keys and slashes as many holes as he can into the surface. Volleyball is still his _everything_ but his everything means nothing to him now.

***

Hinata is woken up that night by one of his textbooks falling to the floor. It makes a loud thud and he jumps up, already in a fretful sleep, dreaming about stormy waters. He gets up sleepily and goes to put the book away, but stops when he sees what it is. It’s his chemistry book, open to a page about the effects of grief on the brain. The way it can cause depression and stop certain hormones from forming. He slams it shut, shoves it into his backpack, and goes back to bed.

The next morning, Hinata falls ill. It’s sudden, unexpected, but so bad he’s shaking from cold despite being under five different blankets. His mother worries it’s from exhaustion, his father says it’s from too much stress. They put a cold compress to his head, give him medicine, and leave for work. He’s a big boy. He can take his own medicine when this dose wears off. It’s a drowsy type, but he doesn’t quite go all the way under, instead drifting between conscious and not. At some point, he’s in between dreaming and being awake.

There’s a boy on the end of his bed. He has a gash on his forehead, blood smearing on his face and clothes. His skin is wet, hair floating despite not being in water. His eyes are cold, glaring, staring right into Hinata’s soul. They squeeze his heart. “ _Move. On.”_ The words are garbled, bubbly, like they’re being said underwater.

“I’m trying! Can’t you see that? I’m trying but you keep coming back! You keep reminding me! You keep dragging me back to hell!” Hinata doesn’t believe in hell, but he thinks what his life has been like for the past six months has to come close to it.

“ _Let. Me. Go._ ” The boy has his hands curled into fists, his mouth set in a hard line. He’s still glaring. Hinata shivers, and not because of his fever.

Shouyou doesn’t realize he’s crying until tears land on his hand. He doesn’t care to wipe them away. “I can’t… I can’t lose you. You were my _everything_ . Please, Kageyama. _Please_.” Pleads fall from his mouth one after the other and he can’t stop. He’s sobbing now, trying to stop talking but he can’t. He can’t stop pleading. He can’t let go of the only thing that ever mattered to him.

Eventually, Kageyama leans in close, so close that he can almost feel the non-existent breaths the other boy lets out. “ _Hinata. It’s okay. I am here.”_ He points to Hinata’s chest, and his heart speeds up, falls over itself trying to beat so hard. Hinata clutches it, tears flowing so hard he can barely see. When they let up, Kageyama Tobio is gone.

***

Hinata picks up a volleyball. He shows it to the newcomers of the team, tries to imagine himself in their spot what seems like forever ago. He catches whispers of _isn’t this the team with the dead guy?_ and _this is the cursed team, right?_ but he pretends he doesn’t. He’s the team captain now. The newbies rely on him for guidance, and it’s his job to make sure he tests them to their full abilities. Tsukki is vice captain, able to pick out which player will be best for which position based on training techniques. Hinata goes into the spiel of rules and whatnot, how much time and dedication must go into the team, and how a team must work as one machine, cogs turning together. He borrows some phrases from Daichi, remembers the words of encouragement from Nishinoya.

After he’s done, he starts drills with Yamaguchi, who has honed his skills as a setter for the past two years. He’s not Kageyama, and they don’t have a freaky quick. Hinata doesn’t jump as high as the sun anymore, doesn’t think he can, and he’s not as excitable as he used to be, doesn’t think he’ll ever be again. But now, instead of fire in his heart there’s a roaring ocean, ready to fight with each wave.

As he slams the spike, he opens his eyes, and there, in the corner of the gym, is a boy with sharp blue eyes and an irreplaceable pout. He is gone when Hinata looks back. Hinata thinks his everything can mean something once more.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been posting fics like crazy lately (probably because i actually have to work on my own stuff now). I hope you enjoyed the read!! Kudos/comments are appreciated and i love all of you. Update: Did you like this fic? Want more of your own? Well I have good news! I've opened commissions! Find the info post [here!](http://noyaplease.tumblr.com/post/149722884338/writing-commissions)


End file.
